Well I am heading off to Florida in 3 1/2 weeks and I went to get my swimsuit yesterday. I have realized by observing and listening to my thin friends that no one really likes to go swim suit shopping regardless of what their size is! Even my tiny friends do not look like the women in Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. Most women outside of Hollywood have some body flaws. As I have matured/aged I realize that I am not Giselle Bundchen and I am never going to turn heads on the beach.
With this in mind, I try to find a suit I will be comfortable in that is still somewhat fashionable. My first stop was Kohl's and their in store selection DID NOT match their website. I do live in Indiana and it is not exactly swimsuit season around here so maybe that explains it. I tried a couple on and did not really like them. Target was my next stop and I found a suit I loved in a color that will flatter my skin tone. I was very happy all for $30. Then today while online I found the almost identical suit on a Fox News Feature on swimsuits for pear shaped women. So I must have made a good choice. Of course none of the models in the pictures were pear shaped which I found rather amusing.
My spirits were really raised by the whole experience which is new for me. I went into the experience being really honest about my body and it's current size - I am not at my goal weight so I went in being realistic. As I tried on suits, I still have the same areas of my body I wish had less cellulite, more toned, etc... but I did not pick them apart in the dressing room. I was able to notice the positives about my body. My top is slimmer especially my shoulders and my arms are looking toned. My legs although the largest part of my body along with my behind are still well, larger but I was able to see the incredible muscle tone I am developing in my quads. I realize that as I shed some more pounds that my muscle tone will shine through and I will look amazingly fit.
I am so hopeful for what my body will become and so accepting of what it is today. Besides, I have great friends I am going on vacation with who could care less what I look like in a suit and I am going to have a great vacation regardless of the remaining cellulite on my thighs.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Sunday, March 8, 2009
To Weigh or not to weigh
The past 2 weeks, I have not been weighing. I tend to go through cycles where weighing does not feel like a chore and when it does. Right now, I just really have no desire to see that number.
It is not like I am avoiding the scale. I feel like I am down even more. I am fitting into all of my work clothes now and that has not happened in a year. I had someone call me "slim" at work this week and I feel so much better about my appearance. I feel like if I was to weigh, I would probably be happy with the result.
But, I am still hesitant to weigh. I do have a tendency to fixate on numbers. Part of the reason I guess is I am probably at that weight I have never been able to get past. I have successful gotten to 168 or 167 several times but can never drop below that. My goal is 155. So right now I am down around 13 lbs of my total goal to lose 26. I really want to keep at it and the weight is coming off very slow. I will weigh again, maybe the end of March and hope to be around 165. I want to break past that "stuck" point on my scale before I see the number again.
Right now I am feeling pretty optimistic. I have been far from perfect but I realize how much of a process this is and not an overnight thing. I will get there eventually but maybe not until the middle to the end of summer and I am ok with that. When I am ready I will weigh but not before then. And I will know when I am ready.
It is not like I am avoiding the scale. I feel like I am down even more. I am fitting into all of my work clothes now and that has not happened in a year. I had someone call me "slim" at work this week and I feel so much better about my appearance. I feel like if I was to weigh, I would probably be happy with the result.
But, I am still hesitant to weigh. I do have a tendency to fixate on numbers. Part of the reason I guess is I am probably at that weight I have never been able to get past. I have successful gotten to 168 or 167 several times but can never drop below that. My goal is 155. So right now I am down around 13 lbs of my total goal to lose 26. I really want to keep at it and the weight is coming off very slow. I will weigh again, maybe the end of March and hope to be around 165. I want to break past that "stuck" point on my scale before I see the number again.
Right now I am feeling pretty optimistic. I have been far from perfect but I realize how much of a process this is and not an overnight thing. I will get there eventually but maybe not until the middle to the end of summer and I am ok with that. When I am ready I will weigh but not before then. And I will know when I am ready.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Prevention Magazine
I really enjoy this magazine. I just started subscribing and received my 3rd issue last night and it has so much useful information. They also have a great website I was checking out this AM
This month's issue had an article on walking marathons. I am a former runner and ran 3 1/2 marathons in the past. I hurt my knee when training for the Chicago Marathon 3 years ago. It was a meniscus injury. The MRI showed it like a stress fracture inside my meniscus but not a complete tear. The Doctor gave me a cortisone shot told me to wait 6 months and then if that didn't work, they could do exploratory surgery. I injured myself in July and waited until the following Spring to really try to run outside again and the pain returned.
So - I decided to try to find fitness without running. Other forms of exercise existed and surgery frightened me so I moved on. I haven't tried a full fledged running program in a long time and even if I did try to add running to my fitness schedule, I would never try to train for a marathon or 1/2 again as that would definately mess with my knee.
I never considered walking a marathon but this Prevention episdode got me a little pumped about that. They have Team Prevention that walks together at several races in the Fall (none of which are really close to my house though). Alli who won TBL 2 seasons ago is walking in one this Spring. It has always been my goal to complete a marathon. When I hurt my knee I figured that goal had to be off my list of things to do with my life. But, possibly I could pencil that one back in but with walking.
I feel it is important to have something you are shooting for. Training for the halfs gave me much discipline and were so rewarding to finish. I like to have a goal and achieve it. I haven't had anything to train for in awhile so I am going to reflect on this and see if I really want to do this and take the time to train and complete this long of a walk. Not commiting yet but considering it! I would love to walk with Ali's team but that is 8 weeks away - not sure I am in that kind of shape yet.
This month's issue had an article on walking marathons. I am a former runner and ran 3 1/2 marathons in the past. I hurt my knee when training for the Chicago Marathon 3 years ago. It was a meniscus injury. The MRI showed it like a stress fracture inside my meniscus but not a complete tear. The Doctor gave me a cortisone shot told me to wait 6 months and then if that didn't work, they could do exploratory surgery. I injured myself in July and waited until the following Spring to really try to run outside again and the pain returned.
So - I decided to try to find fitness without running. Other forms of exercise existed and surgery frightened me so I moved on. I haven't tried a full fledged running program in a long time and even if I did try to add running to my fitness schedule, I would never try to train for a marathon or 1/2 again as that would definately mess with my knee.
I never considered walking a marathon but this Prevention episdode got me a little pumped about that. They have Team Prevention that walks together at several races in the Fall (none of which are really close to my house though). Alli who won TBL 2 seasons ago is walking in one this Spring. It has always been my goal to complete a marathon. When I hurt my knee I figured that goal had to be off my list of things to do with my life. But, possibly I could pencil that one back in but with walking.
I feel it is important to have something you are shooting for. Training for the halfs gave me much discipline and were so rewarding to finish. I like to have a goal and achieve it. I haven't had anything to train for in awhile so I am going to reflect on this and see if I really want to do this and take the time to train and complete this long of a walk. Not commiting yet but considering it! I would love to walk with Ali's team but that is 8 weeks away - not sure I am in that kind of shape yet.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
The Parts of Sharon in the Green Team
Each season of the biggest loser I will usually pick a favorite team to watch. This year it was Dan and Dave because I just sympathized with Dan as being so overweight and so young and I really wanted him to have a chance. As they got voted off early, I had to pick a new team and picked the green team. Mostly because I see parts of myself in both Tara and Laura. That was a key element in last nights story line and I was thinking about it even as I tried to go to sleep.
Tara is me as an exerciser. I do not go at it 6 - 8 hours a day but when I work out, it is intense, full on sweat, and I can really push myself. I have no problem doing it 6 days a week and enjoy it. I even am like Tara as she loves the gym and missed the gym that one episode where they lost access for a week. I am a gym rat (Can't wait to get my Y membership back this Fall)
Laura is me as a dieter. No confidence. Play the victim. Last night Jillian "outed" her as the weak link on the team and Laura left the gym in tears. When Jillian went to find her to discuss it, Laura could not articulate to Jillian how she feels about her contributions to the team at all. I think she is at a loss to state how she allows herself to give less than 100% so she comes off as sounding clueless.
This is how I behave as a dieter. I continue to sabatoge myself and overeat at times and not follow through on what I say I will do and allow myself to overeat most days in the afternoon and evening. Yet fail to find a solution to break this pattern of behavior. I usually allow it to repeat and then decide afterwards, "I really need to change this". Never before it happens but after.
I have to challenge myself as Jillian is pushing Laura to. I can no longer just allow this to be the status quo in my life. I would love to have Jillian give it to me straight and yes I would probably be just like Laura and run away in tears but we need to get to the root of things to fix them.
One other part of the show I loved last night was Sugar Ray Leonard's appearance to promote his boxing class. He told the group how weight loss and fitness is mental and to get tunnel vision on your goal. He emphasized this by cupping his hands around his eyes and blocking his vision to the sides. This will be a good visual for me today to keep my focus on clean eating and block out the food that will prevent me from my goal.
Tara is me as an exerciser. I do not go at it 6 - 8 hours a day but when I work out, it is intense, full on sweat, and I can really push myself. I have no problem doing it 6 days a week and enjoy it. I even am like Tara as she loves the gym and missed the gym that one episode where they lost access for a week. I am a gym rat (Can't wait to get my Y membership back this Fall)
Laura is me as a dieter. No confidence. Play the victim. Last night Jillian "outed" her as the weak link on the team and Laura left the gym in tears. When Jillian went to find her to discuss it, Laura could not articulate to Jillian how she feels about her contributions to the team at all. I think she is at a loss to state how she allows herself to give less than 100% so she comes off as sounding clueless.
This is how I behave as a dieter. I continue to sabatoge myself and overeat at times and not follow through on what I say I will do and allow myself to overeat most days in the afternoon and evening. Yet fail to find a solution to break this pattern of behavior. I usually allow it to repeat and then decide afterwards, "I really need to change this". Never before it happens but after.
I have to challenge myself as Jillian is pushing Laura to. I can no longer just allow this to be the status quo in my life. I would love to have Jillian give it to me straight and yes I would probably be just like Laura and run away in tears but we need to get to the root of things to fix them.
One other part of the show I loved last night was Sugar Ray Leonard's appearance to promote his boxing class. He told the group how weight loss and fitness is mental and to get tunnel vision on your goal. He emphasized this by cupping his hands around his eyes and blocking his vision to the sides. This will be a good visual for me today to keep my focus on clean eating and block out the food that will prevent me from my goal.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Moving forward
Today I woke up and committed to moving forward. I cannot look back with regrets over poor food choices made. I can only take from that experience knowledge of how to prevent it in the future. Regret for me often leads to more eating.
I will spend some time tonight meditating on why my health is important to me and compile a list that I can go to in times of temptation.
I want to thank everyone for the comments on my post yesterday. They were very helpful. Sometimes I feel very alone in my journey. Living in a house with 3 males - all without any weight issues at all, I feel like an island. This blog is really helping me feel connected.
I will spend some time tonight meditating on why my health is important to me and compile a list that I can go to in times of temptation.
I want to thank everyone for the comments on my post yesterday. They were very helpful. Sometimes I feel very alone in my journey. Living in a house with 3 males - all without any weight issues at all, I feel like an island. This blog is really helping me feel connected.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Understanding
I am trying to understand how my mind/mouth work sometimes. I have struggled with consistency in my eating, which explains why my oldest son is 10 and I still weigh 8 pounds more than my pre-pregnancy weight which was 13 pounds more than my goal weight.
I do not want to throw a bunch of excuses for my failure based on childhood habits learned. I can only say that I have been breaking my diet with uncontrollable binges for as long as I can remember. What I have continued to do is to forgive myself and keep moving forward.
What I would like to consider and would appreciate any advise on is how do I reduce these episodes. I am beyond thinking that I will ever completely stop. But how do I move past this pattern on behavior. I recognize it is completely destructive and manages to "undo" the good I have done. I realize it prohibits me from achieving my goals. I also acknowledge that I really do not like myself when I do this.
I am proud of the fact that I always regroup and start again but I need to grow and get out of this place I keep ending up - bloated and disappointed.
I do not want to throw a bunch of excuses for my failure based on childhood habits learned. I can only say that I have been breaking my diet with uncontrollable binges for as long as I can remember. What I have continued to do is to forgive myself and keep moving forward.
What I would like to consider and would appreciate any advise on is how do I reduce these episodes. I am beyond thinking that I will ever completely stop. But how do I move past this pattern on behavior. I recognize it is completely destructive and manages to "undo" the good I have done. I realize it prohibits me from achieving my goals. I also acknowledge that I really do not like myself when I do this.
I am proud of the fact that I always regroup and start again but I need to grow and get out of this place I keep ending up - bloated and disappointed.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Patience
Romans 12:12
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer
This bible verse today really says what my heart is feeling. I am all of these things, joyful in hope for a bright future. Patient in my affliction of overeating and excess weight. And faithful in prayer that God hears me when I ask for help... and for patience... and for hope!
Patience is where I sometimes get stuck. In our need it now society, sometimes I want the results now - not 3 months from now. I receive a daily email from the Jillian Michaels' website and today's reader questions was. "I know your website gives me the plan to lose 2 pounds per week but how do I lose 4 or 5 pounds per week" Great question I thought, cannot wait to see what Jillian says as I would love this plan! Jillian's answer, do 2 extra hours of cardio a day to burn an additional 1000 calories. Hmmm maybe I really do not want that plan.
Maybe patience is exactly what I need. My body loses weight pretty slowly -- A LOT slower than I would like it to be. But maybe that is exactly what I need. This gives me time to reflect on why I want to lose weight. It gives me the opportunity to be happy while my weight loss sort of creeps along. I have to learn to love myself as I am. And this is key. When I reach 155 on the scale, my life will be the same - sure I will wear a smaller pant size but other than that - I will have what I have right now at 171. And honestly, I have a pretty good life.
If I didn't need the patience I pray for, if my weight just flew off, maybe I would not be learning all I am about myself. If I really mean what I mean when I say this process for me is about the jouney and not just the destination, then I need to patiently enjoy this journey.
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer
This bible verse today really says what my heart is feeling. I am all of these things, joyful in hope for a bright future. Patient in my affliction of overeating and excess weight. And faithful in prayer that God hears me when I ask for help... and for patience... and for hope!
Patience is where I sometimes get stuck. In our need it now society, sometimes I want the results now - not 3 months from now. I receive a daily email from the Jillian Michaels' website and today's reader questions was. "I know your website gives me the plan to lose 2 pounds per week but how do I lose 4 or 5 pounds per week" Great question I thought, cannot wait to see what Jillian says as I would love this plan! Jillian's answer, do 2 extra hours of cardio a day to burn an additional 1000 calories. Hmmm maybe I really do not want that plan.
Maybe patience is exactly what I need. My body loses weight pretty slowly -- A LOT slower than I would like it to be. But maybe that is exactly what I need. This gives me time to reflect on why I want to lose weight. It gives me the opportunity to be happy while my weight loss sort of creeps along. I have to learn to love myself as I am. And this is key. When I reach 155 on the scale, my life will be the same - sure I will wear a smaller pant size but other than that - I will have what I have right now at 171. And honestly, I have a pretty good life.
If I didn't need the patience I pray for, if my weight just flew off, maybe I would not be learning all I am about myself. If I really mean what I mean when I say this process for me is about the jouney and not just the destination, then I need to patiently enjoy this journey.
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