More Magazine April 2009

I received my favorite magazine, More, in the mail Thursday. I sat down this morning and read it while drinking my coffee. This month they had several articles that truly motivated me.

The first was on cover model Dara Torres. What an amazing woman. She is 41 and has an incredibly fit body. She is a world class athlete competing against women 20 to 25 years younger than her and winning! Very inspiring. The article is an excerpt from her new book publishing soon. When answering questions from the journalist she said, "I'm still testing the waters to see where my limits are" Reading this article made me realize that I have set limits on myself that I really need to shake off. Dara Torres who competed as an Olympian at 41 is still testing her limits! I really need to search my heart to see where I am limiting myself. My potential is only limited by my self-imposed limits. I am certainly no Olympic class athlete but during my morning circuit training routine I pushed myself farther and harder than prior workouts. My arms felt like noodles when done.

There was also an article on a new food labeling system called Nuval. Now maybe I am the only one who had not heard about this but the most exciting part was Meier, one of my local grocery chains, is going to start labeling their food this fall. The system basically assigns a score to a food with 100 being perfect and 1 not so great. The numbers are based on a mathematical formula dividing the good stuff (fiber, protein, omega 3's, vitamins) by the bad stuff (trans fats, sodium, etc) You can go to www.nuval.com to see the foods they have converted so far. How exciting that they are making food choice selection so much easier. Sometimes reading labels can be a chore and a number on the front of packaging - how much easier can it get!


Lastly there was an article called, "Are you Fit Enough for your Future". This article gave 5 tests you should take to assess your "body age". The tests were in Strength, Core, Flexibility, Balance and Cardio. Based on how you perform, you figure out if your body is in its 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's or 60's+. My body age was lower or same as my biological age on all tests except flexibility. I have really got to work on this. I always have a hard time fitting Yoga in with the strength and cardio I do - it is important though. Core I was weaker on so need to train my abs more often.

I really enjoy this magazine and recommend it as worthy of a subscription. There is substantial content here. The women are real women not celebrities - they are successful women and there is always a story at the end about a woman who reached a goal or dream or re-created herself after 40. The clothes are beautiful - and way out of my price range - but nice to look at. And there are always health related articles to help me reach for my fitness goals.

Struggling

For the past few days I have been a little off my "A" game and I really needed a swift kick in the rear and I got it from fellow blogger Carol. Her post was exactly what I needed to read and remember. So thank you!

As I said, I have been struggling. Overeating and making some bad choices. I have been putting in more hours at work and having less time for me - working out, making my healthy lunches, etc... Lots of excuses here if you cannot read between the lines.

Bottom line is, I have not been doing what I need to do to be successful. Reading Carol's post about successfully maintaining helped me to remember how I struggle that way, successfully losing and then regaining the same 15 pounds over the last 4 years and never being able to keep my momentum going to even get to the true maintenance phase... it isn't easy and it isn't supposed to be. But is it worth it - Yes it is - it is for me so I will continue on. Hope to have more inspiring posts of my own in the future.

Conversation with Myself

Carol - yes I did run again! Monday afternoon. Here in Indiana it was right at 70 and a bit warm but it felt great to be outside. Last week I walked to warm up then ran 15 minutes out and 15 minutes back then walked to cool down. This week I went 20 minutes out and tried to do 20 minutes back but ended up walking a bit on the back which shows I should just stick to the 15. Knee - so far so good. Will continue to try to go once a week 30 - 40 minutes.

Yesterday I ended up having a conversation with myself. Monday night, I made a batch of cookies for my sons' daycare. They don't normally go but this week I have software training so she is helping me out. One of the days is 1/2 day off school so I made some cookies for snack time.

As I progress in my moderation approach to eating, I want to become comfortable around trigger foods. With this instance, the cookie making, I ate several tastes of the dough and 2 cookies once done. I went too far I know but yet managed to stop short of any prior time with baking sweets so feel it is progress even though I ate too much.

Yesterday, Tuesday, I got home after 10 hours of computer training and walked in the door to an empty house- put pork loin on the grill for dinner and got changed to work out. There are about a dozen cookies in my house at this point and I walked by and grabbed one and started eating it. BEFORE my work out mind you. I ate 1/2 the cookie, realized what I was doing and pitched it in the trash then got on my spin bike to warm up for my circuit training. Now I said empty house earlier as kids and husband were at baseball. While warming up I proceed to talk out loud to myself, coaching myself on how can I make the choices I want to make. I gave voice to the internal discussions I have around these temptation foods. What I hear myself saying and then what I actually do in response to those voices. I ended up declaring what I want my new behavior to be felt sufficiently motivated to finish my work out and stay out of the cookies rest of the evening.

I am not making this sound near as crazy as it would have sounded had anyone else heard me. But I felt so much better when I was done. Sometimes I just want to ignore that internal critic and then I end up overeating. Hearing the internal voice helped me realize I don't' have to believe it. I can question it and correct what it is saying.

I still haven't decided if I will try again to make baked goods in my house. I do not normally keep sweets around but occasionally we will have them. I no longer want them to have power over me but realize I am early in this process. I learned quite a bit from this situation I can apply to the next time I am faced with temptation.

A New Answer

I have been waiting for someone to notice I have lost some weight and how would I handle the inevitable question of "How did you do it" In the past, I could have said Weight Watchers, Herbalife, Atkins, etc... This time I am not on a program. I thought about answering the question with "eat less, exercise more" or "portion control" which are both true in a sense.

Well I got the question over the weekend and I said - "I am on the either or plan" and my friend looked at me and I said I can have either this or that but not both. The this and that in question this night was either an alcoholic drink with dinner or a dessert after dinner but could not have both. I chose the drink by the way - the cookie could not be savored like my glass of wine.

My friend laughed and I elaborated by saying - in the past I was all or nothing and now I am learning balance and I can have some things to eat that are not "diet foods" but I just can't have them all the time and every day. I am learning I can be an "either or" person instead of a "both" person and it is working for me.

It was the first time I felt good about my answer. I will keep moving forward towards optimum health and fitness.

Cyclical emotions with perspective

24 hours after my last post, I really have a different perspective. I have been considering my prior attempts at changing my nutritional habits and how I really am different this time. This doesn't mean I will not have cyclical emotions but how I am going to interact with them, will be different.

I first gained weight - around 40 lbs - as a 14 year old girl whose parents went through a divorce. My first diet was at 15. Today I am 38. For the majority of my life, I have fluctuated between 170 and 180 pounds. Post - pregnancy I was 205 but managed to lose into the 170 - 180 range 2 years after my 2nd child was born but for the past 6 years, I have gone up and down in this range without successfully ever achieving the 150's which I consider a rough goal weight for myself.

In this 20+ years of dieting, my usual pattern is. Start something (name any plan from Weight Watchers to Atkins to any diet book out there) last a couple weeks half-heartedly where I do what is expected of me 80% of any day but can't quite count all my points or completely cut out carbs or eat a head of lettuce or ______________ (fill in blank with whatever said diet requires) then I quit and eat everything I want then I feel remorse then I say well that diet wasn't right there is a new book or a new infomercial or a new magazine article that says I should do this and so I try the new plan only to repeat the entire process.

As soon as I start to feel let down by my results or my efforts I quit and move on because it couldn't possibly be me it has to be the program that I picked.

January 2nd I knew that if I started a program of any sort that I was doomed to failure as that is what will not work for me. I have to find my own path to success and it cannot be defined in any one set program. I have looked at many sources over the past 3 months to get ideas on how to be healthy - Prevention magazine, Jillian Michael's website, many of the wonderful blogs here, books about healthy habits not diets, etc... I am not doing what I did before.

So when I have these changes in perception of myself brought on by hormones or just bad days (bad body days like bad hair days) I can react differently. I don't have to dive into a bag of chips or a gallon of ice cream only to the next day or week start a new program. My program is my life. Every day making choices that are bringing me closer to optimal health. And yes, one day that may mean me having a sugar craving and ALLOWING myself a cookie or a piece of candy but nothing is forbidden for me anymore.

I know I am rambling here but even though I am still sort of feeling "bluesey" about my body, I still sense at the root of my spirit optimism that I can handle it. I am not still dieting. One book I go to for inspiration is Joanna Lund's book "String of Pearls". In one of her mini lessons on how she recaptured her health she says:

"For years, many of us found ourselves on the dieting treadmill, never actually reaching our destination or goal but covering those same old miles (pounds) again and again. The scenery never changed, the path never varied and the results, eventually were always the same. We were still just dieting. One of the main reasons I've been able to jump off that treadmill is that I was ready to do something different, because I wanted a different result. This time, I wasn't out there searching for the next quick fix or the magic diet, the one that told me if only I ate special combinations of foods at particular times of day, I'd lose the weight and keep it off forever. This time, I decided I wasn't buying into that philosophy anymore."

And that sums up how I feel. I am in charge of my health now not some plan. And I can handle these emotions in a new way. Will keep you posted.

Cyclical emotions

I have to be real today about how I am feeling. I seem to follow a pattern in how I think and feel about my weight and body image. Each month I go through a period of acceptance and optimism where I know I will achieve my goals and I am accepting of the process and the patience it will take to get there. Then I seem to slide a bit into a more passive attitude where I feel my body is just ok and that change will come even though I feel I am plodding along towards my goal. Before I know it, all of a sudden I am despondent over how I look in a mirror and I have lost all my optimism and feel that everything I am doing is a waste of time.

Usually these cycles are monthly and I am not a GYN but have to think it has something to do with the various hormone levels throughout the month.

It is frustrating! I love the way I feel when I am accepting of myself and where I am and realize that the work will pay off and I will get there. I am willing to be patient with my body and lose this weight slowly and healthfully without eliminating food groups or drinking protein shakes. I feel capable and confident.

I have started to notice the change just yesterday. To start, I could find nothing that fit right yesterday and everything I tried on wasn't comfortable. I kept telling myself, these are the same clothes you felt great in last week. Than I worked out later in the day and it was dark out and I could see my reflection in the windows and I just kept fixating on the flabbier parts of my body. When I got done, I put my kids to bed and in the mirror in their room, I saw myself and thought "You look so fat". What happened to those thoughts where I could see past the flab and notice the developing muscle tone - GONE.

I realize this pattern and I guess that is the first step right. I also realize that this is usually the period where I am most prone to binging. The negative feelings tab my subconscious which says - chocolate will make it all better or how about 3 bowls of cereal after dinner. I need to be prepared for this and not jump off the cliff.

Dealing with these emotions in a new way will help me continue this process of permanent change and permanent weight loss. Any ideas?

Conflict Resolution

I am a Biggest Loser watcher and my husband thinks all reality TV is mindless and cannot watch it. He has tried but the drama is the part he cannot stand. So last night while watching the show, I realized there is so much needless drama. Now I know we are human and conflict resolution is not easy for most of us. But, really the situation with Filipe was classic poor conflict resolution.

Quick background, a couple episodes ago, the teams got mixed up and Filipe and his cousin Sione moved from Bob's to Jillian's team. As Bob and Jillian take completely different approaches to training, Filipe and Sione were not happy. They wanted Bob.

Last night, the conflict started when Jillian did not train Filipe individually. She worked with the rest of the group while he did his cardio on multiple machines while waiting and stewing. As Filipe told the camera, "She is not working with me. She is working with everyone else but not me". I am sure the contestants are in the gym for 6 or 8 hours and during all that time, he could not have walked up to Jillian and said - "When will it be my turn?" or "I am ready to train am I going to get a shot today?" Instead, he blows up at her much later on in the show while she is reaming them for a food and booze binge at their 24 hour spa "relaxation reward". He walks off, says I am not training with you and goes running to Bob.

At the end of the segment where Filipe complained about not being trained, I turned to my 10 year old son and said - Why didn't he just ask her. They could have discussed it, argued about it, gotten their frustrations out and moved on. Instead, he is going to bottle it up and it will come out later at some point. My boys never get to watch the entire 2 hour show due to bed time but their last segment was the "blow up" segment where I told Luke - See - it comes out later on and when it does, it is always bigger than it would have been had he handled it better when he first encountered the conflict.

I used to avoid conflict and I still have to challenge myself to face it. Due to family dynamics growing up, I was just better off to keep quiet and not "stir the pot". That was my role. But now as an adult, that role does not serve me well in life. I have slowly learned to face conflict with my husband, mother in law, employer, etc... Sometimes it can be the most minor thing that is bothering me but I give it a voice or else it festers inside and comes out later like a volcano. If only Fione had talked to Jillian, she is not completely heartless, she could have addressed their lack of trust and Fione would not have had to run away from training with her. Resolving conflicts is a life long skill he will need off campus when he returns home if he wants to keep from eating out of frustration and regaining his weight.

On a different note, I want for a very short run yesterday. Finding these great blogs with people who run, just gives me the itch. I cannot go very far or very often. Maybe once a week for 3 miles max but I am going to test my knee to see if it can manage that much. If not, I will survive or have knee surgery who knows. My run last night was awesome. All the work I have done this winter spinning and doing the circuits have really strengthened my legs. I ran very strong and fast for me and my lungs felt great. I was just pumped when I got home - LOVE THE RUNNER'S HIGH. Anyway, exercise is just awesome and a wonderful way to deal with conflict! Who wants to fight with all those endorphins.