Friday, May 8, 2009

Long Week/Good Week

Well it has been another long week but this time a good one. My Mom is in town which means I am trying to juggle this work project -- with time with her -- with time working out -- with time eating well -- with blogging time -- with bible study time -- with little league baseball games -- with well you get the picture

My Mom and I have a special relationship. She struggles with mental health issues and is not your typical Mom. She has been this way all my life. It is hard to describe - she isn't completely off the wall crazy as she is highly medicated. She is manic depressive, bi-polar, anxiety ridden. I have spent years resenting this Mother Daughter relationship but now realize the situation for what it is and my Mother's dependence on her daughters as her only hope in life and I am trying to come through for her.

On a funny note... if you have seen Seinfeld you know they have the "close talker" and the "low talker" characters that Jerry makes fun of. Well my husband has labeled my Mom the "quiet walker". I call her a stalker. She will sneak up behind you while say cutting vegetables at the kitchen counter and stand behind you and you never know she is there. Then when you turn around you run into her nearly stabbing her with a knife you were taking to the kitchen sink. I realize she just wants to be near me but she sure is quiet and sneaky.

As a child, my Mom was anorexic on top of all of her other issues. Then bulimic for awhile. Now she is purely a compulsive eater and laxative abuser. I have seen her go through more Metamucil and prune juice this week than before. I have talked to her but with her mental limitations, you cannot get through. She thinks what she is doing is healthy as she is on a lot of medications which cause constipation and she needs all this stuff. Well-- she overate all week and cannot button her jeans now so all I have heard about for the past 24 hours is how miserable she is.

I am not mentally challenged but I feel like I am looking in the mirror. My Mom eats when she doesn't really want to, eats when not hungry, eats to the point of busting, eats to make herself feel better for overeating only to then feel more sick. It is really quite sad. I have seen myself in her this week and did not like the reflection. This pattern of behavior in our family will stop with me.

I bought a great devotional book at the bookstore this week called Living Well. It is about living a balanced life and it is based on the Christian weight loss plan called First Place 4 Health. The program stresses balance in 4 areas of your life - mental, physical, emotional and spiritual. The devotional book is compiled with submissions by people who successfully completed the program. I really see myself as trying to achieve this balance in my life. I have been lopsided for too long looking at just my weight loss goal as my singular focus.

I wanted to share my first lesson from the book about making wise choices. God offers us life and blessings or death and curses. It is our choice to decide which we want. Just as in my weight loss efforts we have to decide whether to binge and eat something that I know will take me off plan - that is not choosing life for me personally. all too often I make the choice to not bless myself with following through on what I intend to do. I have used this lesson the past few days to walk away from food and it has helped. I now am starting to feel blessed and it feels good.

Have a wedding in Michigan this weekend so may not get to post. Hope you all enjoy your weekends and hope you have good weather in your area.

1 comment:

  1. I think many of our problems are actually of our own making, by our own choice. If we stop long enough to realize that we are actually making these choices, it's easier to turn them around. Most of the time I'm afraid that I make the choice without ever realizing that it was all up to me. Anyway, it's a step, an important one.

    I'm sorry you have such a dysfunctional relationship with your mother. I have a family member who was institutionalized with mental illness and am familiar with bipolar personalities as well. Hopefully her meds will help, and she's stay on them. It's hard isn't it? Anyway, hang in there because He doesn't give us more than we can handle (even if it does feel like that sometimes).