Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Conflict Resolution

I am a Biggest Loser watcher and my husband thinks all reality TV is mindless and cannot watch it. He has tried but the drama is the part he cannot stand. So last night while watching the show, I realized there is so much needless drama. Now I know we are human and conflict resolution is not easy for most of us. But, really the situation with Filipe was classic poor conflict resolution.

Quick background, a couple episodes ago, the teams got mixed up and Filipe and his cousin Sione moved from Bob's to Jillian's team. As Bob and Jillian take completely different approaches to training, Filipe and Sione were not happy. They wanted Bob.

Last night, the conflict started when Jillian did not train Filipe individually. She worked with the rest of the group while he did his cardio on multiple machines while waiting and stewing. As Filipe told the camera, "She is not working with me. She is working with everyone else but not me". I am sure the contestants are in the gym for 6 or 8 hours and during all that time, he could not have walked up to Jillian and said - "When will it be my turn?" or "I am ready to train am I going to get a shot today?" Instead, he blows up at her much later on in the show while she is reaming them for a food and booze binge at their 24 hour spa "relaxation reward". He walks off, says I am not training with you and goes running to Bob.

At the end of the segment where Filipe complained about not being trained, I turned to my 10 year old son and said - Why didn't he just ask her. They could have discussed it, argued about it, gotten their frustrations out and moved on. Instead, he is going to bottle it up and it will come out later at some point. My boys never get to watch the entire 2 hour show due to bed time but their last segment was the "blow up" segment where I told Luke - See - it comes out later on and when it does, it is always bigger than it would have been had he handled it better when he first encountered the conflict.

I used to avoid conflict and I still have to challenge myself to face it. Due to family dynamics growing up, I was just better off to keep quiet and not "stir the pot". That was my role. But now as an adult, that role does not serve me well in life. I have slowly learned to face conflict with my husband, mother in law, employer, etc... Sometimes it can be the most minor thing that is bothering me but I give it a voice or else it festers inside and comes out later like a volcano. If only Fione had talked to Jillian, she is not completely heartless, she could have addressed their lack of trust and Fione would not have had to run away from training with her. Resolving conflicts is a life long skill he will need off campus when he returns home if he wants to keep from eating out of frustration and regaining his weight.

On a different note, I want for a very short run yesterday. Finding these great blogs with people who run, just gives me the itch. I cannot go very far or very often. Maybe once a week for 3 miles max but I am going to test my knee to see if it can manage that much. If not, I will survive or have knee surgery who knows. My run last night was awesome. All the work I have done this winter spinning and doing the circuits have really strengthened my legs. I ran very strong and fast for me and my lungs felt great. I was just pumped when I got home - LOVE THE RUNNER'S HIGH. Anyway, exercise is just awesome and a wonderful way to deal with conflict! Who wants to fight with all those endorphins.

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