Well last night was another Biggest Loser night. I enjoyed the show and learned a lot about myself as usual.
First I am a big Tara fan. I see alot of myself in her - minus her unbelievable determination and persistence. Maybe I really do not see myself in Tara but see Tara as the person I want to be. Somthing to think about there.
The challenge last night was 2 parts. First the amount of weight contestants lost could be placed on another contestant for part 2 of the challenge. Of course everyone ganged up on Tara and gave her extra weight. I am a very emotional person for sure and during the first part of the challenge when everyone was giving her pounds, I was just seeing her standing there and trying to not let it get to her and if it was me, I would have cried for certain. It just sucks how others can bring us down and a part 1 of this challenge was a picture of the human emotions of jealously and resentment. We all want to be on top and whoever is on top has to have eyes on the back of their head as people are gunning for them. In the end, Tara took it very personally - rightfully so - got sad and then got angry and then took them all out even with her 257 lbs of extra weight hauling that car around the track. I was so glad to see her win. Part 2 of the challenge showed determination and persistence can lead us to victory when the odds are not in our favor. She beat a man pulling more weight. Mentally she was able to do what physically seemed impossible.
As a person I tend to be very mentally weak -- I am so quick to cave against my resolve. I have best of intentions to stick to my 1500 calories a day but find myself logging 1700 - 1800. I have a food plan I fall off of by 2 pm. I plan on avoiding refined foods and eat natural foods and then find myself digging into Wheat Thins at 2 pm. And honestly, without a lot of internal struggle. I just get up and grab the box and eat.
How can I become a person with more determination to change my behaviours? How do I push myself beyond the boundaries that seem inconquerable to me right now? How do I tap into my own determination and persistence to have victory over my weight battle that has loomed on and on and on all of my adult life? I guess if the answer to that was easy, I would have figured it out by now.
On a positive note, I tried on my shorts from last summer size 12's that were too tight last year and they do fit now and fit comfortably so I will have clothes to wear and Florida and will not have to buy anything - I may splurge for a new pair of flip flops.
I acknowledge I have seen progress in the last 3 months. And this is not a 3 month race for me. I am fully committed to losing the 25 - 30 lbs I need to lose over 9 - 12 months. I want to put my best effort foward every day and let the weight come off as a result of my best efforts and that is the frustration I have - I do not always put forth my best efforts. I am too quick to let myself down. And in the end - I do LET MYSELF DOWN - not anyone else.
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Have you looked at "The Beck Diet Solution"? It's a book all about how we're thinking in relation to food and dieting. I think that book, and the techniques it offers, is what gave me the ability to finally lose the weight I needed to lose. Before I read the book I was doing the same thing as you described. Wanting one thing and watching myself do the opposite. You are probably stronger than you think. It might be you're just not thinking right!
ReplyDeleteI have seen references to that book on Jen's blog and it sounds interesting. Maybe a good read for when I return from my trip.
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